


Just go!

by LadyBardock



Series: Single Shots [5]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break Up, Cancer, Death, M/M, Mercy Killing, Please Don't Cry, Suicide, facing the end, really sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6918322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBardock/pseuds/LadyBardock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kili breaks up with him after seven years just by leaving a stupid note, Fili immediately knows that he will never truly live without him....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just go!

Fili gazed at the letter and felt his heart break. Years ago, when he was young he always thought this moment would come. But later... when they both graduated high school, began living together and making a life for themselves. When they bought their dream home, adopted two dogs and a crazy cat named Smaug... He never considered it.

 _‘I’m sorry for hurting you, but there was no good way to do it... I’m sorry but we cannot continue...just forget about me...’_ Kili’s words were burning a hole in his heart.

He could still remember the day they met, back in high school. Kili from an extremely wealthy family, but unspoiled and not carrying about the money to his name. And Fili a poor orphan who managed to win a scholarship. After a year of gazing at each other, they learnt there were the only two to stay at the school for summer. The moment they began talking they discovered the funny rhyming names and caught on like fire.

It was a dream. Fili knew he loved him even before they exchanged the first shy words. He was cute beyond dead cute. Those dark eyes and dark curly hair. His crazy temper and wit. All the charm of the universe in one single being.

Kili’s family hated him since days one. They hated the fact that Kili chose the same university he went to and that they began living together. Thorin, the head of the family, looked at Fili as if he were a bug to stomp on. Nothing he did was good enough to earn the love of his precious Kili. Even when Fili got a scholarship, even when he learnt language by language and slowly was gaining translation jobs.

And now it was the end. Kili left him, and Fili had absolutely no idea why. He kept rethinking everything he did, every single day of love. And he did not find any reasons, any mistakes. He was lost.

\------

Therapy did not help much, Fili was depressed for weeks on end. He had problems eating, focusing on anything. He stopped going to college, and he just sulked in bed crying his heart out.

It took him nearly half a year to gain some balance. To go back to his studies, to visit his friends. Everything still felt pointless, every second he felt deep inside there was some kind of huge longing and pain.

His life ended the day Kili just walked away.

\------

Fili unconsciously reached for the annoying ringing phone. It was the middle of the night, and the sleeping pills he had to take did not help him wake up.

He answered not looking at the name, assuming it was something important and one of his friends wanted something.

“This better be good...” He growled.

There was a long heavy silence, filled with a laboured breath as if someone was crying. “I’m so sorry...” Kili’s voice woke Fili up completely in an instance.

“Kili?” Fili asked in a shacking voice.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t call you... I can’t... I just couldn’t...” Kili was crying into the phone.

“Kili are you okay?” Fili asked slowly. “Are you drunk?” He suddenly realised.

“I’m just so sorry...” Kili sobbed in the phone. “I promised not to call... but not hearing your voice hurts so much... I don’t know how I thought I could do this...”

“Kili just tell me where you are, I’ll come and get you and we’ll talk.” Fili proposed.

“I can’t... I’m sorry I just can’t...” Kili continued crying. “I just had to hear your voice...”

“Kili!” Fili yelled into the phone but the answer was the ended call.

\-----

Fili woke up half dead, with a huge headache. The phone call still on his mind. He tried to call but the phone was turned off. There was something so desperate in Kili’s voice. There was so much longing there... as if he didn’t want to leave, but had to leave. Was forced to leave.

Fili decided to talk with one person who might know the answer.

“Legolas, do you have some time?” Fili asked.

“Come by at six.” Legolas replied.

\------

“So what brings you here?” Legolas put a plate of food in front of Fili.

“Kili.” Fili grunted.

“What about him?” Legolas pretended he did not know anything about him, but Fili knew that if anyone knew anything it was Legolas. His sister was still Kili’s best friend.

“He called me last night... and he seemed pretty desperate.” Fili confessed.

“Did he now?” Legolas mused.

“Just answer one thing... did his family force him to leave me?” Fili asked in a breaking voice.

Legolas gazed at him seriously. “From what I know it was only his decision.” He finally answered.

“Why would he call me then?” Fili hissed.

“Who said there are easy answers to every question...” Legolas grunted and did not say more on the topic.

\------

Fili called everyone they knew. Every friend from school, friend from university, random people they met. But no one would tell him anything about where Kili was. There was a deep feeling inside him, a huge worry. A burning pain. Deep inside he could feel something was wrong.

He packed, left the pets at Nori’s and simply got in the car.

He drove from his family property to property, any place he could think of trying to get to see Kili. But he wasn’t there, or everyone was simply lying to him.

\------

_“How old were you in this photo?” Fili mused looking at the album Kili always carried around._

_“Five.” Kili replied. “That’s my mom... my dad took it.” He explained. “We used to go there every summer.” The photo showed a tiny Kili running on an endless beach._

_“It’s beautiful!” Fili smiled and embraced him._

_“I just loved it there.” Kili kissed him gently._

_“Maybe we could go there for next summer?” Fili proposed._

_“We could.” Kili embraced him and rested his head on his chest._

_But next summer never happened._

\-----

After a few days of pointless driving around, equipped with one old half fainted photo Fili drove onto the highway leading to Florida. He knew more or less the area, but still he had a countless length of beaches to search. If Kili was anywhere in the world it would be there. If not Fili had a decision deep in his heart. A life without Kili was not a life, and if he could not find him he did not want to live any longer.

It took him another few days to locate the town and the area. Narrow down the beaches and houses.

And another two days to find the right house. He sat on the porch alone. Watching into the distance. Fili with such sadness he could not focus on anything.

“What are you doing here?” Kili’s deep voice startled him.

“Wondering about things.” Fili replied not looking at him.

“How did you find this place?” Kili asked in a shacking voice.

“This was the only place I did not look before.” Fili noticed dully.

“You shouldn’t have come.” Kili was sad. “You shouldn’t have looked.”

“How could I not?” Fili asked more firmly. “After seven years of loving you more than anything in the world, how could I not?”

“I don’t want you here.” Kili’s voice broke down.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Fili told him.

“Just go!” Kili yelled in pain.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Fili repeated and looked at him for the first time.

“Don’t look at me!” Kili yelled and hid his face in his hands.

“Kee...” There were tears in Fili’s voice. Kili looked simply terrible, slim beyond measure, most of his beautiful hair was gone and there were bruises all over his body. As if he was going to fall apart any minute now.

“I didn’t leave you for you to see me like this!” Kili sobbed desperately.

“Kili...” Fili gently embraced him kissing his forehead.

“I came to die here!” Kili gasped and rested his head on his arm.

“Me too.” Fili confessed. He saw the surprised glare he got. “When you just left... I died the moment I read that stupid letter. There is no me without you.”

“Fili just stop that romantic bullshit! I’m the one dying, not you!” Kili became angry. “I left you so that you could have a normal life! So that one day you might find happiness! So that you wouldn’t have to watch me like this!”

“Kili, that was not your choice to make.” Fili grunted. “You took half a year from us...”

“To give you a chance for a life! So that you could just forget me!” Kili cried.

“I’d never forget you... I’d never even try to find someone else.” Fili whispered to him, and rocked him gently. “If you go, I go... isn’t that what we promised each other years back?”

“But not in this sense!” Kili rasped desperately. “I want you to live!”

“There is no me without you.” Fili reminded him yet again. “We are two halves of one soul.”

Kili just cried as Fili gently lifted him and carried him into the summer house. He gently placed Kili on the bed, just to pull him into his arms. “We never got married... I really wanted us to...”

“It’s too late now...” Kili cried resting on his chest.

“No, it’s not...” Fili kissed him gently.

“I don’t want you to see me like this... broken... disgusting and emaciated...” Kili complained.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight until you draw your last breath...” Fili rasped against his lips.

\------

Kili let him, he let him bathe him, give him meds and carry him around. Slowly Kili was becoming weaker and weaker, so they decided to find the nearest local magistrate and have it done.

As they exchanged vows, on the line ‘in sickness and in healthy’ both skipped the ‘till death do us part’. It would not, despite Kili’s strong voicing he wanted Fili to live.

Fili gently carried him to the beach one last time, let him get his legs wet, touch the sand and breath in the salty air.

“I can’t take the pain any more...” Kili told him looking at the sunset.

“Neither can I.” Fili agreed and kissed him one last time. He carried him back just to let him lie in the huge bed.

“Fili I don’t want you to go with me!” Kili tried to insist one last time.

“Where you go, I go...” Fili did not let him protest.

“You can’t...” Kili had tears in his eyes. “I want you to live! I love you!”

“I love you... that’s why I can’t live without you.” Fili gently kissed him again. “It’s not going to hurt...” He gently lifted the syringe with a lethal dose of morphine.

“I love you so much...” Kili pressed their lips together as the syringe gently went into his arm.

“I love you more...” Fili added coyly, and took the second syringe. He sent one last text message from Kili’s phone to his uncle, and laid down right next to him. He embraced the motionless body, just to insert the syringe, and drift away. Now nothing would ever tear them apart.

 

 

 

 


End file.
